oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
