those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
