He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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