Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want her autograph on my taint
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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