You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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