she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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