I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
