I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
