well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
