dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
