i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
