Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
