I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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