Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
