So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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