just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
