My balls are so social today.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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