before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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