Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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