I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
