he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
