he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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