totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
