Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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