Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
