We won't sleep together?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
