I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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