I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
