i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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