Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
