so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
where does the pee come out of this thing
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
