i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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