and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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