Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
