whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
