Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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