You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Damn victory sex feels great
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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