Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
