So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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