I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
