My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize