You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
