HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sponge bath it is.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
