he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
