Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
