She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
