We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
