did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
