Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
