i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
