They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
