Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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