You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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