I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize