i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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