Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
