Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i drank out of a bidet.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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