How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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