also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
