If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
