When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
