I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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