wakey wakey hands off snakey
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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