He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
