My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
