He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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