the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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