OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
