you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
