so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
