Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
