Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize