finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
