Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
