you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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